Parenting: FAQ

How should I deal with habitual lying?

First, lead by example by not telling lies. Stress the importance of truth telling, even if the truth is ‘bad’ and reinforce this value by having harsher consequences for the lying rather than for the offense. Encourage your child to think before speaking.  Respond to lying with a confrontation that minimizes the chance for denial or debate about truthfulness and maximizes personal responsibility such as, “that may be how you see it or how you wish it was, but that’s not how others view it.”  Offer the opportunity to tell the truth even when a lie has been told by suggesting, “think of another way to tell me with as much honesty as possible.”d to sleep alone?

How can I get my child to sleep alone?

Make the child's bedroom the ideal place for them to sleep by equipping it with a night light and “getting ready for bed” accessories such as story books and soothing music. Try not to have the bedroom associated with entertainment, eating, or homework.  Even if the child falls asleep elsewhere, have them wake up in their own bed. To help your child wind down before sleep, spend some time in their room once they are in bed.

How do I know if my child is ready for a pet?
How do I know if my child is
One way to assess a child’s readiness to be responsible for a pet is to ask the child to find out what equipment they will need and what they must do daily and weekly to care for the pet. See if they are willing to devote the time to that task. Ask them how they will manage if a big school project or sleep-over takes their attention and time. Finally, to test their ‘investment’ in this endeavor, it may be wise to set up a way for the child to earn money toward the purchase of the pet and needed supplies. Also, try giving the child a houseplant to care for.about leaving my child home alone?

What about leaving my child home alone?

Developmental age is more important than chronological age when it comes to considering leaving a child home alone. The older the child is, the more time they can stay home alone, though no child should be home alone overnight. Before leaving a child home alone, make sure they have identified someone like a neighbor or relative to contact in case of emergency.  Also make sure they know to keep the doors locked, rules regarding those who are and are not allowed in the home and what equipment they may or may not use during your absence. Instruct them that if someone asks for you that they should say that you are “not available”  or "busy right now" rather than “not home.”

At around ages 11 or 12 a child could be home alone for a brief period of 30 minutes or less.  A child of 14 could probably be home alone for a few hours and a 17 year old could be home alone for 6 to 8 hours. Be aware that initial experimentation with risky behaviors typically occurs in middle school age children during the period of time after school before adults are home from work.

Should I pay for good grades?

The use of rewards to shape behavior can be very effective. Rewards should be given for behaviors that are objectively measurable and achievable and should be “do” actions rather than “do not” actions. Rewards should also be given soon after the ideal behavior occurs. End of the card-marking grades do not occur frequently enough and students may not have a clear sense of the behavior that produced that grade such as turning work in on time, devoting time to studying, using a planner, or getting enough sleep. Rewards are a means to a goal: the internalization of pride and self-satisfaction. Try rewards other than money and identify specific behaviors that are associated with success in school. Goals should look for progress, not perfection.