When should a child see a therapist?
How can I parent more effectively?
How do I deal with habitual lying?
How do I get my child to sleep alone?
How do I know if my child is ready for a pet?
What about leaving my child home alone?
Should I pay for good grades?
When should a child see a therapist?
Seek evaluation by a therapist if your child exhibits any of these behaviors:
Developmental delays
Excess physical complaints
Changes in appetite
Aggressive behaviors
Lack of interest in friends and activities
Insomnia or sleepiness
Drop in school performance
Mood swings
Depression or sadness
Self-injurious behavior
How can I parent more effectively?
Make eye contact before setting a limit. If necessary, say “look at me.”
Give warnings about transitions or changes.
Make one request at a time and be specific.
Give choices rather than ultimatums.
Give instructions that tell your child what to “do” rather than “don’t.”
Reward good behavior at least as often as you punish bad behavior.
Do more and say less.
Allow and create naturally occurring consequences when at all possible.
Have your child tell you what motivates and rewards them.
Be consistent and be able to follow through with any threat or promise you make.
Find a way to change a behavior through a reward.
Remain calm—take a time out yourself if you need to.
Chose your battles wisely.
Try visual tools like star charts.
Use rewards that aren’t monetary or food.
Approach the idea of behavior change as a gradual process and set reasonable goals so that your child (and you)
can succeed.
Keep private any and all discussions about Adult topics (sex, finances, etc).
How do I deal with habitual lying?
First, lead by example by not telling lies. Stress the importance of truth telling, even if the truth is “bad” and
reinforce this value by having harsher consequences for the lying rather than for the offense. Encourage your
child to think before speaking. Respond to lying with a confrontation that minimizes the chance for denial or
debate about truthfulness and maximizes personal responsibility such as, “that may be how you see it or how
you wish it was, but that’s not how others view it.” Offer the opportunity to tell the truth even when a lie has
been told by suggesting, “think of another way to tell me with as much accuracy as possible.”
How do I get my child to sleep alone?
Make the child’s bedroom the ideal place for them to sleep by equipping it with a night light and ‘getting ready
for bed’ accessories such as story books and soothing music. Try not to have the bedroom associated with
entertainment, eating, or homework. Even if the child falls asleep elsewhere, have them wake up in their own
bed. To help your child wind down before sleep, spend some time in their room once they are in bed.
How do I know if my child is ready for a pet?
One way to assess a child’s readiness to be responsible for a pet is to ask the child to find out what equipment
they will need and what they must do daily and weekly to care for the pet. Ask them how they will manage if a
big school project or sleep-over takes their attention and time. Finally, to test their “investment” in this
endeavor, it may be wise to set up a way for the child to earn money toward the purchase of the pet and needed
supplies.
What about leaving my child home alone?
Developmental age is more important than chronological age when it comes to considering leaving a child home
alone. The older the child is, the more time they can stay home alone, though no child should be home alone
overnight. Before leaving a child home alone, make sure they have identified someone like a neighbor or
relative to contact in case of emergency. Also make sure they know to keep the doors locked, rules regarding
those who are and are not allowed in the home and what equipment they may or may not use during your
absence. Instruct them that if someone asks for you that they should say that you are “not available” rather
than “not home.”
At around ages 11 or 12 a child could be home alone for a brief period of 30 minutes or less. A child of 14 could
probably be home alone for a few hours and a 17 year old could be home alone for 6 to 8 hours. Be aware that
initial experimentation with risky behaviors typically occurs in middle school age children during the period of
time after school before adults are home from work.
Should I pay for good grades?
Though I like the use of rewards to shape behavior, I am opposed to paying for grades. Rewards are a means to
a goal: the internalization of pride and self-satisfaction. Try rewards other than money and identify specific
behaviors that are associated with success in school. Rewards should be given for behaviors that are objectively
measurable and achievable and should be ‘do’ actions rather than ‘don’t’ actions. These may include things like
turning work in on time, devoting time to studying, using a planner, or getting enough sleep. I urge parents to
involve their children in setting individualized goals. Finally, goals should look for progress, not perfection.
